Posts Tagged ‘marriage problems’
Emotionally Starved
One of the men at our seminars came up and said, “My wife gets overly emotional. What’s with her? If I say anything nice to her, she’s all over me. So I don’t say anything nice.”
His wife was standing behind him, listening and bursting with life. She was beautiful to look at and a delightful conversationalist. It surprised us when she agreed that his description was correct. Since she usually had to draw every compliment out of him, though, and it was getting more difficult by the year, she was trying to encourage him when he did do it on his own. As a result, when the poor fellow did venture out a bit, she was so thrilled she virtually attacked!
That was a tough one for us to understand. Our suggestion was that he cut a deal with her: He would make an effort to say nice things to her every day, if she would promise to accept them more quietly and gracefully.
Bad Guys – Good Guys
There was an article I read about a man who asked an adviser, “Why do girls go for the bad guys?” He was a decent man he explained. He treated women politely, brought them flowers and generally respected them. Then along comes a charmer who does just the opposite and wins the girl the good guy is hoping to attract.
It may take a different approach and a different set of standards for a man to look at a different type of woman. The standards of most women do not include a rude, ornery vulgar man who treats them like dirt. Only very insecure females who are a bit on the dense side would want that. Or they’ve been watching too many nasty guy movie characters like Hugh Jackman’s in Australia. Even if they find low class guys that exciting before marriage – if they manage to get them to the altar, which is doubtful – they’ll soon regret it. The excitement soon wears off and marriage becomes a nightmare. Furthermore, these kinds of guys usually want to save their marriages only to keep their women under their control.
I Was Losing My Marriage
Ethan, a professional man, was angry and calling his wife all sorts of names when he came to us. “She’s having an affair with a guy she met at a roller skating rink. I just found out.” He became very tearful. “What can I do? I love her. I want to save my marriage.” He swallowed hard. “I don’t understand. I try to be a perfect husband.”
But he hadn’t been a good husband – not really. At least, not in her opinion. When I had the chance to talk with her she told me, “I put up with him as long as I could. I needed someone who would love me the way I needed.” Although they blamed each other, both were at fault; but in her disillusionment she started looking elsewhere outside her marriage and “fell in love” with the first guy who gave her attention. She began a love affair with him. The affair did not endure and soon she was That didn’t last, so she was off looking for another guy. Meanwhile their children floundered.
Communication? He Doesn’t Even Know What It Is.
“I love my husband and want to share things with him; but he turns cold and refuses to listen or talk. Why?”
Consider the following if you are the non-talker and want to save your marriage. (If you are the talker, please feel free to give this to your loved one. No, don’t throw it at him/her… hand it over nicely.)
* Maybe you are angry at someone; or are just angry by nature and that’s your comfort zone… * Or you grew up in a home where they didn’t talk. * Or perhaps your mate is an overbearing personality and you feel you can’t get your ideas across… * Or maybe you just aren’t wired to talk… * Or you always end up being put down in a discussion so don’t want to risk it anymore * Or you feel regret about what you have done * Or you wanted to marry someone else way back when and it didn’t happen so you resent the one you are married to now… * Or you don’t want to accept the responsibility of supplying another’s needs * Or you enjoy aggravating or hurting others (you have a mean streak) * Or you are punishing your spouse for something * Or you don’t want anyone invading your private world. You are selfish
Ominous Signs In A Marriage
Nicole blindsided Robert when she said she was leaving. “You have got to be kidding me!”, was the only thing he could say.
“You heard me,” she said. “I’m done. There is nothing left of this marriage.” She flounced out of the room and locked herself in their library. He sat down and looked at the locked door wondering what had gotten them to this point. Leaving? Why? He loved this woman. He would never leave HER. Why would she leave him? A businessman, his Blackberry chimed repeatedly, telling him that he had appointments, but in his dismay, he barely heard the sound, and when his secretary called, trying to find him, he didn’t bother to answer her call.
All he could do was wait, as his mind whirled. It took her an entire hour to emerge. “Why? I just don’t understand, I thought every thing was fine” he said in a pathetic voice. What she told him blew him away. He continued to sit there stunned, as she walked out and drove away.
Is He Addicted To Drugs?
The last time I saw Gerry he was selling drugs. I was downtown and wasn’t quite expecting to see him. He always had been conversant and he told me everything, “You aren’t going to turn me in, are you?” he asked. Actually, I wasn’t sure of his real name and I didn’t know where he lived, so that would have been difficult. Vance had become acquainted with him several years before, helped him turn his life around, at least temporarily, and brought him to our house. With Vance’s help, he had given up taking or selling drugs.
His parents had been extremely poor role models and his upbringing was shoddy at best. His mother, a nurse, had stolen drugs and started her kids on them. So his background had included stints in juvenile hall and later, prison. Before we met him, he’d had a baby by one woman he dearly loved, but because he was taking drugs and tended to be homicidal, she left him. He couldn’t save the relationship.
With Determination To Succeed
Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France so many times, despite the bitterness of the French press that tried to discredit him time and again, that it astonishes us. Cancer reduced him to the weakest he had ever been, but he rebuilt his body and became the unbelievable champion that he is through sheer will to live.
Whatever, he kept himself from getting discouraged, figured out how he could have done better, and charged forth again with victory in mind.