Posts Tagged ‘marriage counseling’
Emotionally Starved
One of the men at our seminars came up and said, “My wife gets overly emotional. What’s with her? If I say anything nice to her, she’s all over me. So I don’t say anything nice.”
His wife was standing behind him, listening and bursting with life. She was beautiful to look at and a delightful conversationalist. It surprised us when she agreed that his description was correct. Since she usually had to draw every compliment out of him, though, and it was getting more difficult by the year, she was trying to encourage him when he did do it on his own. As a result, when the poor fellow did venture out a bit, she was so thrilled she virtually attacked!
That was a tough one for us to understand. Our suggestion was that he cut a deal with her: He would make an effort to say nice things to her every day, if she would promise to accept them more quietly and gracefully.
Bad Guys – Good Guys
There was an article I read about a man who asked an adviser, “Why do girls go for the bad guys?” He was a decent man he explained. He treated women politely, brought them flowers and generally respected them. Then along comes a charmer who does just the opposite and wins the girl the good guy is hoping to attract.
It may take a different approach and a different set of standards for a man to look at a different type of woman. The standards of most women do not include a rude, ornery vulgar man who treats them like dirt. Only very insecure females who are a bit on the dense side would want that. Or they’ve been watching too many nasty guy movie characters like Hugh Jackman’s in Australia. Even if they find low class guys that exciting before marriage – if they manage to get them to the altar, which is doubtful – they’ll soon regret it. The excitement soon wears off and marriage becomes a nightmare. Furthermore, these kinds of guys usually want to save their marriages only to keep their women under their control.
I Was Losing My Marriage
Ethan, a professional man, was angry and calling his wife all sorts of names when he came to us. “She’s having an affair with a guy she met at a roller skating rink. I just found out.” He became very tearful. “What can I do? I love her. I want to save my marriage.” He swallowed hard. “I don’t understand. I try to be a perfect husband.”
But he hadn’t been a good husband – not really. At least, not in her opinion. When I had the chance to talk with her she told me, “I put up with him as long as I could. I needed someone who would love me the way I needed.” Although they blamed each other, both were at fault; but in her disillusionment she started looking elsewhere outside her marriage and “fell in love” with the first guy who gave her attention. She began a love affair with him. The affair did not endure and soon she was That didn’t last, so she was off looking for another guy. Meanwhile their children floundered.
Why Won’t He/she Talk?
“I love my husband and want to share things with him; but he turns cold and refuses to listen or talk. Why?”
Think about the following if you are the non-talker and want to save your marriage. (If you are the talker, please feel free to give this to your loved one. No, don’t throw it at him/her… give it with a kiss and say, “I thought you might find this interesting.”)
* Maybe you are angry at someone; or are just angry by nature and that’s your comfort zone…
Ryan Is Forgiven
When he was presented to Hailey, Ryan knew that she was the one. She wasn’t as beautiful as a few he’d known, but that was all right. She was attractive, intelligent, and easy to get along with. She admired and respected him, too.
After they were married, she fulfilled his wishes by presenting him with adorable children. He was a happy man. His desires, for the most part, had been met.
A Woman’s Emotional Needs
They sat across the table from me. She was angry and he was on the defensive. I asked her what the trouble was. She looked at me and said, “He just won’t talk to me!”
“Is this true?” I asked.
He got that awww shucks expression and then said, “Shoot, I just don’t have anything to say.”
I smiled inwardly because I actually knew this couple on a social basis. We had been at a social gathering a couple weeks before and I had the opportunity to talk to him. He literally spent a half hour talking my ear off. So I knew that chatting was not a problem for him. He just didn’t want to talk to her, or he didn’t feel like it was important.
Communication? He Doesn’t Even Know What It Is.
“I love my husband and want to share things with him; but he turns cold and refuses to listen or talk. Why?”
Consider the following if you are the non-talker and want to save your marriage. (If you are the talker, please feel free to give this to your loved one. No, don’t throw it at him/her… hand it over nicely.)
* Maybe you are angry at someone; or are just angry by nature and that’s your comfort zone… * Or you grew up in a home where they didn’t talk. * Or perhaps your mate is an overbearing personality and you feel you can’t get your ideas across… * Or maybe you just aren’t wired to talk… * Or you always end up being put down in a discussion so don’t want to risk it anymore * Or you feel regret about what you have done * Or you wanted to marry someone else way back when and it didn’t happen so you resent the one you are married to now… * Or you don’t want to accept the responsibility of supplying another’s needs * Or you enjoy aggravating or hurting others (you have a mean streak) * Or you are punishing your spouse for something * Or you don’t want anyone invading your private world. You are selfish