Pam Ponders

I’m quite often asked if my successful behaviour management techniques are about control.

The other day a woman was walking her dog by my house and I saw it refuse to move. As she pulled on the lead the collar slipped off and the dog ran up the road in the direction of the very busy main road. When she shouted, the dog luckily sat down and she was able to replace its collar. The next try failed and the dog was nearer the main road. The woman was panicking and gave in to the dog’s desire to go in the opposite direction from where she wanted it to go. So, the dog got it’s own way, it’s life put in danger from the traffic – all because she didn’t have the right equipment, was using the wrong techniques and was in the wrong place and failed to have control.

A few days ago I was driving and noticed a woman waiting to cross the road with 2 children either side of a pram. One child ran into the road in front of my car. Fortunately I was being observant and not in a dream and stopped before hitting the child. The situation could have been distastrous. The woman had few options – leave the pram and other child, push the pram and the other child into the road to rescue the one in the middle, scream at the child – all the options were risky. The same as the lady with the dog the situation arose because the adult didn’t have control of the situation and three children were put into a dangerous position.

The original question asked whether the management of children’s behaviour is about control. Well, yes that’s true, it is about control, but using the control in the right way.

There seems to be a problem with the concepts of disciplining and controlling children. It is claimed that it limits children’s development, expression and imagination. Small children are seen frequently roaming in streets, shops, parks, close to water – adults are near but not always fully attentive or close enough to step in if something should happen. Why is it considered to be so inhibiting for children to be attached physically to adults (reins?) until they’re old enough to have some freedom safely?

Let me say that the child that ran into the road wouldn’t have developed much further if he or she had been hit by my car! The development of expression and imagination wouldn’t have progressed much further! And as for the dog and the out of control owner – it would have been under a truck – not a good result!

People often say to me that children have changed. No children haven’t changed – but what has changed is adults’ attitude towards children.

It’s essential for children to learn the ways of the world so they mature into emotionally confident adults who are able to control their own behaviour. If they miss these vital lessons they tend to behave like toddlers when their expectations aren’t met – not a good look when you’re- – even worse when you’re in your 20s!! Children get these growing up lessons from adults controlling and guiding (disciplining) their behaviour.

So, is control a vital part of disciplining and managing a child’s behaviour? Absolutely. Until a child learns to be self controlled they have to be controlled and disciplined (trained) by adults. A strong but vitally important message.

It is vitally important that the correct control and discipline techniques are used so children develop to be self controlled, confident and independent. The correct strategies can easily be learned by anyone – read Behaviour Bible and practise my successful classroom management techniques. Stress will fall, standards will rise.

Liz Marsden successfully manages children’s challenging behaviour every working day. You can take advantage of her expertise and skills in her book, Behaviour Bible where she gives you the same invaluable advice that she uses herself and teaches to teachers, students and class assistants. Read about her daily class experiences and gain gain further insight into her work.