Pam Ponders

There isn’t much in life that is going to devastate you like a spouse cheating. This is a person you’ve trusted with everything, after all. Nothing cuts quite so deep.

Let me say this right now: Despite the agony that you’re in, you are going to survive this. For every 10 women you know, as many as three or four have experienced a spouse cheating, and they made it through. It won’t be easy, but I’ve made it through, and you can and will, too, I promise.

It’s critical you know these:

Don’t be an ostrich.

By that I mean, don’t stick your head in the stand and think this is going to take of itself. It won’t. You’ve caught your spouse cheating. That demands your attention and that you act in way that is in your best interest. You may be used to thinking in terms of yourself in a unit with your partner, but right now that needs to change. You need to be concerned for yourself and your personal well-being.

Find a safe refuge.

You’re going to need to be around people and situations you can completely trust right now. Seek them out. Use them as a sounding board. But, don’t let it become a slug-fest as what a low-down-good-for-nothing your partner is. That’s useless. You’re looking for constructive action that’s going to lead you to a better spot in your life. The rest is just grist for the mill.

Understand why it happened.

It’s a mistake to assume that a spouse cheating is caused by something you did or didn’t do. People cheat for any number of reasons, from poor sexual impulse control to needing emotional intimacy they aren’t getting at home. Ask what he was looking for in the affair. Knowing why will keep you from constantly blaming yourself. Even if it did have something to do with you, knowing what will help you correct it, which is the healthy, instead of sitting around thinking, “I should have”

Let go of the past.

You have to do this to survive. Otherwise, you’re going to be driven directly to the nuthouse. You’ve caught your spouse cheating. What about now? What are they saying? What is their intent? If they are still pursuing the affair, then adios. But, more than likely want they want is a better relationship with you. How you going to get there?

Don’t dwell on thoughts of suicide.

Give yourself time to be pissed. You should, but you can’t live there forever. At some point it’s going to be time to move on and ask yourself and the spouse cheating some tough questions. And, don’t retaliate against the other person. Be bigger than that and better than the situation you’re forced to handle. Your personal integrity will get a huge boost if you do.

Take your time here to process this huge amount of emotional baggage you’ve just been handed. Give the logical part of yourself time to move in and take over. Logic is a much better driver of the bus than your emotions.

Most importantly, remember this isn’t something you’ll get over quickly. Some experts say it can take up to two years or more to deal with the emotions and move past them.

Be prepared to face a tough time ahead, but know that the pain of a spouse cheating will come to an end.

Are you currently Surviving Infidelity, then visit www.infidelity-crystalball.com to find the best advice on how to deal with a Spouse Cheating